Chronicle of an Irrevocable Choice
by vickys-been-vamped
Summary: It's a drabble about Bella and her choices. It's a little AU on Jacob's part, but I am sure that is how he really feels. It takes place after first chapter of Eclipse. SPOILER ALERTish, if you haven't read it on Stephenie's site.


Chronicle of an Irrevocable Choice

Edward was getting restless. He had to go hunting soon, and he knew it. The situation was becoming dangerous. We both knew that he shadowed me only so I would not go through with my decision to see Jacob. Thinking about the situation, I was once again glad that Edward could not read my thoughts. I felt like the guilt was written all over my face.

Around three he finally left, with a dire warning of, "Bella, if you do anything rash, I swear I will be back before you can blink."

I was intimidated, but I had already made up my mind. I couldn't just abandon Jacob. He was my friend and needed me. He was in pain! He was depressed, as I could glean form a note he had written me. He was the only reason that I was normal right now. He was the one who had kept me together and whole during the months Edward had… No, I told myself, I would not think about that.

I waited until I was sure that Edward was gone, and got in my truck. I had called Billy already, and even though he was as short, unhelpful and downright rude as usual, he could not help but be relieved I was coming over. His son's depression was surely taking a toll on the whole family.

Driving down the road I felt like I was sitting on eggshells. Any minute I expected Edward to jump into the moving truck and ask me in his cold, dark tone where I was headed. I saw him in every darkened corner. When I saw the La Push Reservation sign declaring it was the next right, I couldn't believe that I had made it without incident.

The lights were on in Jacob's house. I got out of my truck and quietly walked to the door. It was wrenched open almost as soon as I knocked. A sullen Jacob met me. He was short as he asked me what I wanted and how I had managed to get the leech off me. I was upset at that comment.

"Jacob, I don't appreciate you calling him names. ", I said as strongly as I could manage under the situation without getting the door slammed in my face.

Jacob looked like he was contemplating doing just that, but I stopped him with a foot inside the door. I pushed past him into the house. I didn't think it was possible for his face to get darker, but I suppose I had been deceiving myself. I had never seen him like this. Not even during his worst moments in the past months.

"Jacob, this can't continue. We need to talk, desperately. Please, tell me how I can fix this. I want to help." I pleaded with him. He didn't make a sound, but looked down. He looked so defeated. I was being torn up inside with guilt and pain. He was still my best friend. He looked lost and miserable.

I completely understood how he must feel: rejected, forgotten and unappreciated. I longed to comfort him but I was at a loss.

On impulse, I walked toward him and hugged him. He was stiff and cold in my arms, but relaxed after a moment. This used to be so natural to us both, hugging. I began to cry. He patted my back and I could feel that he was close to tears, too.

"I am sorry it has to be like this, Jake. I don't want this and more than you! You saved me when I was completely broken and beyond repair. You lifted me out of my depression. I can't sit here and watch you fall through the cracks. I feel like I have lost a piece of myself since you stopped talking to me. You are my best friend! I hate it when you're distant. I am so sorry. Is there no hope for out friendship?"

"I don't want your pity, Bella. I respect your choice, even though he is a leech, it is yours to make, but you gotta know how much I love you! There is no hope for us, unless you leave him and I have accepted that this is impossible. I love you and I will, probably forever, but this just can ever happen. I am sorry, too. We could have had something beautiful. I don't regret any of the time we spent together or any moment form our previous friendship. Well, except maybe one thing. I never got to kiss you."

He smiled at that, a short cold smirk that faded quickly. At that moment I knew there was no other chance for me to redeem myself but right now. And it was just that, a kiss. I looked up at him. His face was again dark and brooding. I leaned closer and he looked down. He saw what I was thinking. He leaned down. Our lips met, just like that. I could feel forgiveness and love in that tiny kiss, no more than butterfly kiss, really, but it was warm and different, and sweet and gentle.

At that moment, the window shattered, and there stood Edward, in all his inhuman beauty. His eyes were not honey-colored and warm, but cold, black, depthless and unforgiving. Fear flooded me as I realized what he must have been thinking, seeing me and Jacob like that. Before I could do much, I felt Jacob start to shudder violently. They stood there contemplating each other for less than a second. Then they charged. Everything went black after that.


End file.
